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Imagine this:
You were comfortably lounging on your sofa with a bag of chips and a bowl of ice cream the size of the family pasta dish. You have your ripped sweatpants on and no bra. The TV is playing the most brainless bit of drool you could find and your ice cream spoon is stuffed in your mouth when suddenly Dr. Who’s Time Machine scoops you off the sofa, spoon and all, whirls you away and drops you off in the middle of an exclusive cocktail party with a champagne fountain, hors d’oeuvres you can’t pronounce and a sea of little black dresses and tuxedos. With no way to escape, you grab a passing glass of bubbly off a waiter’s tray, slide off one sleeve of your shirt to make it look sexy, ruffle up your hair into hopefully some semblance of style?! and fake your way through the room.
Lifting your chin confidently as if to say, “All black dresses are a thing of the past- sweatpants are in, and bras are so yesterday…” you sip your champagne and try to listen in at the first conversation you come to. You secretly hope they don’t notice your sweatpants or the drop of chocolate sauce on your shirt. You remember to make eye contact.
A very interesting woman is discussing the concept of connecting your voice to your story. The other woman shares a comment about how our own inner demons and mindsets can interfere with our personal voice. They both turn to you, giving you a chance to share your thoughts. You say, “Miley Cyrus sure has a cool voice, doesn’t she, but gosh, what do you think about all that twerking?”
The room goes silent. They both stare at you, perplexed, their brows contorted as they struggle for an appropriate response. You are certain they are staring at the chocolate stain and your sweatpants and you suddenly are praying that Dr. Who would come back and whisk you back to the comfy couch and the brainless talk show that had been commenting on Miley’s no attire wardrobe.
I have news for you. It wasn’t the chocolate sauce, free-range boobs, or the sweatpants that gave you away. It was the lack of connection to the conversation, the lack of listening to the point being made, and the connection to how the story they told could be relevant to YOU in YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW.
And—You had been given a golden once in a lifetime opportunity! What better moment to share your story and voice with two experts on vulnerability, story and voice than to share your amazing moment about how you had just been whisked into a party by a time machine in sweatpants and chocolate sauce! You would have RULED the day! But No! Instead you insisted on pretending you were a normal participant in an everyday situation and tried to hide behind a glass of bubbly as if no one would see you were different.
What does this have to do with Blogging Conversation?
Absolutely Everything.
First of all, the word conversation gives it all away. The comment section of a blog is a CONVERSATION. In the exact same way that you wouldn’t walk up to a group of people in the middle of a conversation and interrupt the flow with some out of left field comment that has nothing to do with what they were taking about, neither would you come over to someone’s blog and suddenly start hawking your wares, dropping your links, or bragging about how awesome you are, or discussing Miley’s latest wardrobe disaster.
On the other hand, can you imagine walking up to a group that is intensely chatting, listening for a few minutes, then chiming in with, “Hey, love your topic!” and then just standing there smiling, adding nothing further? You would force the host of the conversation to stop dead in her tracks, offer you a polite smile and thanks and then search awkwardly for a way to pick up the conversation again.
Good blogging conversation needs to have a tag. Remember when you played tag as a kid? When you touched someone and said, “Tag, you’re it,” you handed off the responsibility for being IT to them. Conversation is the same way, but with the addition that as good conversationalists, we need to offer up a helping hand to the person we are tagging to give them an opening for response. A way for them to pick up the pen and run with it.
Here are some helpful tips for you to Tag your friendly blogger.
- Along with thanking them for their great post, pick out one section, comment or few words and share how this had a significant impact on you and why. (This is the Tag.) It is in sharing your why that you give the blogger something to respond to, and keeps the conversation going.
- After carefully reading the post, add an additional point that would further enhance the blogger’s original post ( This is the tag) in your own voice and viewpoint—enabling the blogger to thank you for expanding, and perhaps asking you additional questions if the blogger wants to pick up the tag and toss it back.
- After carefully reading, graciously and respectfully offer an alternative viewpoint that initiates discussion, without putting down the blogger’s opinion. “Another way to look at this might be…” (Tag) This invites the blogger to pick up the tag and create interesting dialog with you that could possibly go on for several comments.
- Share a story that is relevant to the topic, which the readers could relate to. This gives the blogger a deeper understanding of who you are, what you are like and helps develop not only a dialogue, but sets the stage for the beginning of relationship building. Which, by the way, should be one of the reasons you are out hanging around blogs in the first place.
- Be YOU, be honest, be open, and share from your truth. If your truth is that you have just been dropped out of the sky in sweatpants and chocolate sauce, and it is a relevant part of the conversation, by all means, SHARE. You sharing your story makes other people feel comfortable sharing their story. It brings the comment section to life. It makes it real. Now notice I didn’t say bring all of your Jerry Springer horrid family stories and bore us to tears. I said—bring the interesting relevant stories. There is a difference. Learn it.
Additional Notes While We Are On The Topic.
No one likes a party bore. Don’t be the guy who is always turning the topic back around to them. Respect the fact that the blogger took the time and energy, sweat and tears to write the post in the first place and let them own the stage. If you want to have a party, you get to write your own blog. ( But you still have to treat your guests kindly, with grace and respect. These rules go both ways or no one will come to your party anymore.)
Sometimes we don’t have time to write out a lengthy meaty comment for every post we read. I’ll be honest, I read SO many blogs and I skim a lot of them, that I don’t have the bandwidth to leave a pithy, conversational comment everywhere I go. Sometimes I stop by for what amounts to a drink and run. “Hey, nice post, got to go, I don’t have time to chat.” At times like that, you have to weigh whether it is better to compliment or sneak out back and say nothing. (And see? This is a tag—this is something we can discuss. Just pointing this out as an example…making it easy on you!!)
I have to choose where and when I want to have a conversation. For me, I choose the ones I want to invest in, the ones I want to return to, the ones I value and respect. In short, the people I am building relationships with. What about you? How do you decide when and where to comment and how?
( There you go, I left you another Tag—you’re IT!)